


The Jump

by Etienne_Lennon



Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-21
Updated: 2013-09-21
Packaged: 2017-12-27 05:20:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/974888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etienne_Lennon/pseuds/Etienne_Lennon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zach just wanted to get away from it all and start fresh as a waiter in New Orleans. But things take an unexpected turn when he meets Chris, an aspiring jazz musician</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Jump

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously, none of this ever happened.

The machine made a soft humming noise when it made the coffee. Zach liked the sound. He also liked the smell of fresh beans and the neon lights. They were all details of this new life that he had chosen for himself and they made him smile. 

„Hey, McDreamy, how long can it take one person to make one pot of coffee?“ Yes, Zach also liked the customers who shouted at him. They were equally part of his adventure. Of this crazy quest he had embarked upon. He had left Pennsylvania with only one thought, „going south“. How everyone had looked at him when he had announced his decision. How they had been wondering and asking again and again. But now, here he was, at this crappy coffee shop on Frenchman street in the French quarter in New Orleans.

And he still hadn't really figured out how to work the coffee maker; the thing only produced thin coffee with a not mentionable amount of cold milk. 

When he handed the cup to his customer, the guy was not amused. 

„Y'know,“ the guy started „I bet your momma is real proud you spend all the money she invested in your education on learning how to pour coffee for other people. But let me tell you, you really suck at it!“

That comment actually hit home. Yes, Zach was happy with his choice and knew, it was the right one for him. But his mother was indeed not so happy with the idea of her son, the university graduate, throwing his life away in some tiny coffee place in Louisiana. 

But this wasn't about her. This was about him and his choices. 

„My apologies, Sir, I will do my best to improve and serve you decent coffee when you come here next time.“

And upon leaving, the guy actually smiled. Zach knew he was charming and that hardly anyone could resist that charm of his when he really tried. It was his currency wherever he went and what ever he did. His parents kept telling him that good looks, charm and wits would not serve him for a career, not if he didn't put determination and effort into it as well – if he didn't “really go for it” as they put it. But Zach had not found anything to do that might be worth determination and effort so far, so he just stuck to his charms for a while longer.

It was only 10 pm. The cefé would be open all night. He was curious about what was lying in store for him. 

 

So maybe his new job wasn't the most exciting one in the world. But better than an office anytime. In an office, Zach imagined people would always have to concentrate on what they were doing and even if they worked with other people, it was always about work, never about the people.

In this job, he could watch people act and interact and that was important for him. 

After midnight, that part of the job would become even more interesting. Because after midnight, people of the strangest (and most drunken sort) would appear and Zach would have ample occasion to study the many and crazy ways of people.

He was a bit disappointed though when he noticed, most of those people getting into the café were really just your regular drunkards, with no special story on them at all and no wisdom that went beyond your regular drunken slur. They said there was truth in wine, but apparently, there was no truth in Bourbon beyond „Hey, don't you have anything decent to drink in this joint?“ 

At around midnight, Zach had pretty much given up hope of anything interesting going to happen. 

At about 1.00 am, his life would change forever. 

„Oh no.“ his boss, J.J. said as the door opened one more time. „Musicians.“ And true enough,the café was just then visited by a group of young men and one stunning looking woman, all of them about Zach's own age, all of them in an exceptionally good mood and all of them with a careless swagger in their movements that Zach had come to associate with Louisiana. All but one. 

A blond man with the face of a super model or a movie star.

His smile had California written all over him. 

„Hey, do you guys serve beer?“ the blond guy asked.

„No. Just coffee and sodas.“ Zach replied for what felt like the 10th time that night-

„I'll get a coffee then, black, no sugar if that's alright.“

„Coming right up“

Over the course of the night, Zack had gotten way better at handling the coffee maker so that he was able to actually serve decent coffee for this guy. He was a little proud. 

The blond guy took the coffee and flashed him another brilliant smile. But upon turning around, he saw the rest of his band in a booth with J.J..

„I guess no more space for me.“ He said and sat down on the bar stool. 

„So, what's your story?“ The guy said once he was sitting and drinking coffee.  
„Why? I'm just a bartender, what else would I be?“ And the guy smiled and Zach felt his heart skip a beat. Damn this. He shrugged it off as best he could.  
„No, sorry, don't believe it.“  
„What? What's not to believe? I am here serving you coffee, am I not?“  
„Yes, but for one thing, your accent has written east coast all over it and for the other, you just said just a waiter. That's only what people say who actually think of themselves as more than waiters. So what are you? Actor? Musician or dark poet?“

Zach felt himself blushing at this. Because actually, he did consider himself a poet. He just didn't talk about it. And he hadn't written anything in years. But other than that, yeah, he was a poet alright. 

Instead he replied: „Just graduated Carnegie Mellon University's school of business and no desire to actually work?“ That earned him another smile.

„Good answer. I guess you fit right in with the Big Easy. So tell me, the guys will probably go out in search for some more beer and then crash at Café du Monde like most nights. You wanna come there after your shift?“

„Café du Monde? Isn't that really touristy and kinda lame?“ Zach had actually been warned about going there on his first day in New Orleans.  
„It's all that.“ The blond guy told him. „And it's open 24/7 and you get brilliant beignets. Come on – It's part of the experience. You don't have the New Orleans experience if you don't hang with aspiring jazz musicians.”  
“ So that's what you are?“ Zach asked, intrigued against his will.  
„That – and proud holder of an English degree from Berkeley and unable to find a proper job. The name is Chris. Chris Pine“.  
„Mine's Zach. Zach Quinto.“

And Zach decided that maybe it wouldn't hurt to check out this notorious place serving coffee and beignets all night long.

 

At 3 am, the Café du Monde was only slightly less crowded than it usually was at 3 pm in the afternoon. Zach felt tired. And nervous. And edgy. Was he making a complete fool of himself by going to this place? Maybe Chris had just been joking, never meant the musicians would actually go to this place. Or maybe he had never meant for Zach to be there with them. But then again, the beauty of this frigging Café was definitely the fact that it was pretty much smack in the middle of everything in this city and that it had a large out-door patio. So he didn't actually have to go in there, he could just walk by and casually glimpse over the thing, see if he could make out the group of his new acquaintances. 

When he had asked J.J. if it would be alright for him to leave sooner, the man had just winked at him - Winked for crying out loud – and had wished him a good night. 

And now here he was – and didn't feel good at all, but nervous and wondering,

Maybe I should have changed he thought when he looked down on the coffee stains on his shirt. But too late. There was Chris. All easy smiles and blond hair and cheery waves. Instinctively, Zach looked over his shoulder, for he really couldn't believe all that gesturing was for his sake.

But apparently, it was.

“Zach, come on over here, wouldn't want you to miss out on the sugary fun! Zoe, will you be a princess and move your perfect ass a little so that Zach here can sit down and join the sugary fun?”

The beautiful woman smiled at Zach and moved over a little so that he could take a seat.

“Hi Zach, good to meet you. Just don't fall for Chris' charm, there's nothing behind that pretty smile” the woman said by way of greeting. But her affectionate shove in Chris' direction made it clear that her opinion on her band buddy was a far more positive one. 

Zach found out what the *sugary fun* was referring to pretty soon. While everyone was laughing wholeheartedly, there were several heaps of white powdery sugar on the floor. Zach had heard about beignets before but never actually tried them. 

Zach sat down directly next to Chris and looked searchingly over the table. A dark haired guy who also seemed to belong to the band caught his look and smiled. „There was a menu here somewhere. But I think we lost it in a pile of sugar. But you don't really need it anyway. We'll get another serving of beignets and if you want you can get a coffee to go with it”. Zach was intrigued and just nodded. This was great. Actually this was what he had been dreaming about. Meeting new people and hitting it off, connecting instantly without major problems or coordinating shit. 

Sure he had a group of friends back home. But lately, meeting up with them had turned into an incredible tedious affair including texts, E-Mails, calendars (or just a smart phone to get all of these aligned). Most of the times, the effort ended fruitlessly and there was no meeting And it wasn't that people didn't like him. It was more that everyone's life had become so complicated that it resulted impossible to simply do something and go with the moment.

He was still busy musing about these things, when the pastries finally arrived. He had not wanted to order any coffee thinking that he couldn't see or smell the stuff anymore after having worked in a coffee shop all day. But then he saw that Chris had ordered some and before he knew it, he had also ordered a black coffee. The boyish looking waiter seemed surprisingly relaxed given, that it was now almost 3.30 am and the place was packed with people. „Sure hun“, he said and gave a wink. Zach felt himself blush at this. He knew that other gays would usually notice he was gay himself quite quickly and normally, he didn't mind, In this case it was a little different though. He really really wanted to simply have a good night and not wonder about coming out to people he had just met. But obviously, none of the others had noticed anything out of the ordinary about his interacting with the waiter. 

Straight guys could be so very blind and deaf sometimes. „Hey Zach, stop dreaming and eat a beignet. And make it count“. Zach shook his head slightly and got back into the moment, where large amounts of fried pastry under loads of sugar were currently being devoured by Chris and his band mates. “I'm not even sure how I shall go about this.“ In that moment, his coffee arrived with another friendly „Here you go, sweetie.“ Chris smiled again. „Now it's easy. Just dunk the thing in your coffee and put it straight into your mouth.“ Zach tried to do as he was told and was rewarded with an awesome sweet taste in his mouth and and an equally sweet laughter from Chris. 

„You have sugar all over your nose, buddy.“ And where usually a situation like that would have made him embarrassed like hell, right here and right now it was alright and he could just laugh about himself. 

But when Zach did look up again and looked at Chris, his laughter kind of died in his throat. Chris had a milky white paste on his lips. It didn't look funny though, it simply looked hot as hell. 

Blue eyes were on him and Zach couldn't help but notice – those were amazingly pretty eyes. Chris was hot in such a spectacular way that Zach was not sure whether befriending him was actually a good idea. Zach had been through his lusting after heteros phase.

He quickly shook his head. This was not the right time nor place. Sure, some flirting and possibly hooking up had been part of his plan but for now the New Orleans experience was something else for him. It was good food and drink and - 

„Music“. Chris must have been talking for a while but Zach was listening only now.  
„I'm sorry, what did you say?“

Chris smiled and Zach was back in the moment instantly. 

„I said 'New Orleans is the city of good food, good life and good music.'

That's why I came here after all.“

„So, what do you do? What instrument do you play? Or let me guess, you sing and you play lead guitar?“ Zach ate another beignet - the stuff was actually good. Chris took a sip of his coffee before he answered „I'm actually playing base and I'm the back up singer. It's the very best part.“

„I bet. This is so cool that you're here. It's a long way from California.“

„Sometimes, you just have to leave home to find something new. I might go back there some time, but for the moment, I only want to be here.“

This, Zach understood. He hadn't fled from home, he just needed new input, see more and experience - something else. 

They kept talking for a while and after the third coffee that the gay waiter had brought with a rather knowing smirk, Zach looked around and realized that Chris and himself were the only two people left at their table. And apparently, Chris had noticed, too.  
„Where is everyone?“  
„Apparently they thought it was getting late and time to head back home. Do you think so, too?“

Zach thought about it. Yeah he was kinda tired, but he didn't want to go home to his tiny apartment.  
He wanted to stay and talk some more about life and art and everything. 

„Or do you wanna get one more beer and watch sunrise over the Mississippi“. 

That was actually exactly what he wanted. 

It was surprisingly not so easy to get beer at 4am in N'Orleans. But in the end they managed and set down on the benches at the great river. Zach had the slight feeling this wasn't the safest spot. But then again it was so late it was almost early again. In about one more hour, the city would be awake once more. 

But for that one hour, it was just the two of them. The river was running slowly in front of him and he could swear he saw the shadow of a big steam boat in front of him. Chris was sitting closely at his side and he could feel the other's warmth over the southern heat.

„So, you do this often?

„What's that?“

„Sit by the river with a relative stranger and drink beer in the middle of the night.“

„Actually, I've tried inviting people I liked to this spot before but somehow no one ever agreed. You are quite unique, Zach.“

„What can I say, I'm crazy that way.“

„You know -“ Chris said and took a long sip. „I think this could be the beginning of a long friendship.“

Zach almost laughed, but didn't. He wasn't in the mood for laughing. „Let's make quoting from movies our thing, shall we?“ „Yes. For you a thousand times.“

Zach smiled to himself. There was a a relaxed daze in his head that he thoroughly enjoyed. This already felt like sitting next to an old friend. 

„Do you think life is ever gonna get better than this?“ Chris finally asked, his voice low.

Behind him, Zach heard the first car of the morning and he saw the sky take on a lighter shade of dark.

„No. He finally answered. Right now, I can't see how.“

 

When Zach awoke the next morning, his head was hurting and he was slightly disoriented about where he was. His first impulse was that he must be in his college dorm after a long night partying. But then the first note of a saxophone hit his ears and he realized he wasn’t in Pennsylvania anymore.

Then he remembered. Coffee. Jazz musicians, Chris. 

Zach opened his eyes and tried to remember how he had stumbled back into his apartment, Chris walking him to the street corner  
„So you managed to score an apartment on Frenchman, not bad!“  
„Yeah, you know I have a friend who lived here before and I took over his place.“  
“Nice. So I live a little further down the street. I will catch up with you tomorrow.“  
„Will you?“ Zach hated how needy his voice sounded but then, Chris didn't seem to mind.  
„Sure will, Newby. Bare with me. This will be amazing.“

And Zach had believed him and gone to bed.

Slowly slowly, as he grabbed for the glass of water that was usually standing on his nightstand did he organize last night's events in his head. Chris. Beignets. Beer at the river, a drunken walk home and promises of eternal friendship.

So Chris was cool and he seemed to be exactly the kind of person that Zach had been looking for to hang out with in the Big Easy. 

But then, he had made the mistake of being over-eager when it came to new friendships before. So this time he would be more careful. For sure. 

This was actually easy to accomplish since he still hadn't gotten Chris' phone number, nor his Facebook contact. Or anything really. All he could really hope was that Chris' estimation of „New Orleans is really a village, everyone knows everyone and they keep running into each other.“ was true.

He smiled at the thought. After all. He knew by now how these things worked. So many of his college friends had sworn to be his buddies forever – and now he was nothing to them but a name on their Facebook walls. It was plain depressing really. And why should it be any different with Chris? After all, it was as easy to talk about friendship as it was to talk about love. Zach already had all those words about love and friendship and music and art and beauty in his head – but when it came to putting them into action- that was a different matter entirely.

Zach decided to make the best of the morning, got out off bed and slowly slowly made his way into the kitchen. He knew he would be making and serving coffee for all evening and most of the night, but that did not keep him from enjoying the cup he made for himself in the mornings immensely. 

He did like the fancy coffee maker they had at work. But privately, he really preferred the simple good taste from his own French press. 

Zach’s room in New Orleans was really just that – a room. As in one room to sleep, live, cook and eat. There was a shared bathroom on his floor across the hall. He had chosen this room, because it was on Frenchman street and so cheap that he could afford it on his waiter’s salary alone without having to ask his parents for money, which would be plainly embarrassing after the long speeches he had given them about his independence and their inability to realize that he was a grown-up and old enough to make his own decisions. 

This room was nothing like his fancy student apartment from before. But he had put up a poster print of Hopper’s “Night Hawks” next to a nerdy Star Trek Poster that he had loved since puberty and called it home. 

The coffee smelled amazing and Zach was glad he had managed to wake up early enough to still enjoy some alone time before he would throw himself into the buzzing streets of New Orleans. Maybe he would hear from Chris later? It was unlikely but not impossible after all.

Chris. Of course he thought about Chris now. Well, the guy was freakishly handsome. Possibly too handsome for Zach’s taste. And definitely too straight. A guy like that would soon find the perfect girl, Marry her, move into the perfect house and raise two perfect children while walking the family’s perfect dog. Maybe it was better to maintain a certain distance at this point. Although in this case, the distance was kind of forced upon him. 

Zach decided to make the whole episode one of his first stories of Zack Quinto’s independent bohemian life and then forget about it completely. He poured another cup of coffee, got his Mac Book out of its protective sleeve and opened a document. He stared at the white background and tentatively typed the words “The coffee machine was humming” – before he took his hands off the keys again, sighed, took another sip of coffee, erased the words (what a stupid beginning) and tried again.  
“His smile was breathtaking”. Sigh. Coffee. Erasure.  
“Sometimes, people walk into our life’s unawares of the impressions they make – they think it’s like footsteps on sand, easily washed away, when in reality they are deep lines in our hearts. 

At this point, Zach shut down the Mac for good. Boy, this was bad. What had happened to him? New Orleans was supposed to inspire him, not turn him into a sappy cliché victim. Maybe he needed more input, more life to surround him. He decided to go out for Gumbo for lunch and see whether typical New Orleans food would not restore his creativity.

 

Zach had been in New Orleans for almost 2 weeks and he had always been out on his own for food. After all, he knew no one but J.J .in the city. And until then, he hadn't thought about it. But last night had shown him just how much he missed good company in this new environment. 

In the end after a real quick lunch, Zach actually went to the Café earlier than his shift was scheduled to start. Maybe he'd be able to impress people with his coffee making abilities this time.

Instead, the day was slow. Slower than the previous one. Zach would have thought that people would drink coffee a lot on a Friday afternoon. But apparently things rolled differently in New Orleans. It seemed like the whole city was still asleep after last night's activities. After all – Thursday was almost as good a day to party as Friday.

It was a good opportunity though for Zach to think and make new attempts at his writing. It might have been a good idea to work on the coffee maker instead but after all, he didn't plan on a career in coffee making! There was still the memory of Chris etched on his mind and although Zach knew thinking more and more about him would not make the situation any easier.

But then again, maybe if he did the obsession thing from a writer's perspective it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe he had even some ways to sublime his undeniable fascination with the blond guy. So – from a writer's point of view – would there be any way to possibly let Chris be interested in other men? It wasn't unheard of – in literature – that someone should have a late coming out. After all,. A musician. A fellow artist and wanderer. He had to be at least bi-curious, right?

With this and similar thoughts on his mind, afternoon turned into evening and suddenly people started swarming into the small coffee place and that was the time when Zach should have started to turn his attention to the work at hand – only he didn't and kept thinking about pretty blonds until he heard someone yell out in pain.

„Fuck man, what are you doing?“ It was Chris. There was a big coffee stain on his shirt but he was smiling. And that, Zach thought, was a good thing.

„Punishing you for not seeing me earlier!“ Whoops, shit, where had that come from? He should not be flirting like this, Heteros don't like that not at all and Chris would only be confused. And it would be messy and -

„Oh honey, I am so sorry I got held up at work. But what do you say I make up for it and buy you dinner tonight?“ Chris responded instead and it was all Zach could do not to goggle at the other man.

Oh shit, was Chris joking or no? Joke or no, joke or no? Shit, shit, SHIT!

„Ok, I'll pick you up at 8 then, meet you right here.“ Chris said in answer to the stunned silence.

And Zach just nodded. Boy what was happening here?

The rest of his shift was really really bad. All his new found coffee making abilities seemed to have just disappeared. The clock was ticking. It was only 6 pm now. His shift ended at 7pm. He would have one hour time to prepare. Holy crap. How was he to do that? What was he going to wear?

Zach felt stressed and incredible at the same time. 

At some point, after the third person had yanked him out of his reveries be shouting „Hey, coffee, here!!“ J.J. came over to Zach and gently touched him by the shoulder. „Son, whatever is the matter with you? You're scaring the customers.“ Zach was really glad about working with the older man. He was pretty sure he wouldn't find another boss this understanding for his dreams and incapacity:  
„I'm sorry, J.J.. I will take care not to let you down anymore- I just – I'm nervous cause I'm like, kind of having, well, I'm having a date tonight.“

And suddenly, J.J. smiled like a maniac and gave him a crazy tight hug that left them both covered in the sugar that Zach had just been handling.

„That is good, buddy, that is really good. Everyone should have a lady friend. I have been worried about you being lonely down here.“

Zach smiled back. He would not correct the other on the nature of his „date“. He hated the whole coming-out thing. It wasn't that he didn't dare or that he had ever encountered a negative reaction it was more that – well, liking guys was not his most important trait of character and he really wanted people to get to know him, not his sexual preferences 

„Yeah, it's nice to get to know some people.“ Zach replied instead.  
„But whoever that girl is, she is totally messing with your head and I can't let you poison anymore of my customers, so I'll say just go home now, I will let you do some additional clean-up next week – so you will get the full payment this month“. J.J. responded with another wink.

Zach was more than grateful for this and instead of thanking J.J. in words, he just gave the man a hug and took down his name tag. 

Back home, it took him the better part of an hour to take another shower, pick out something to wear and do a complex and excessive operation with his hair involving more hair gel than he would have cared for. All underlined by his favorite date preparation song, „Call me maybe“. 

But in the end, looking into he mirror he had to admit that he looked stunning, Dark hair artfully tousled in a sexy out-of bed look, slim cut dark gray blazer, dark red shirt and very tight blue jeans with black boots made him look very attractive indeed. At least according to the man in the mirror. 

Zach smiled at himself. And yes, he knew this wasn't an actual date. He knew Chris was just being funny. That he probably didn't even plan on them having anything but a few beers at a bar. But still, he hadn't had a date in forever and it was good to dress up. It felt nice to care about himself.

His last brea-kup had been a bad one. Long, dreadful E-Mails had left John and himself thoroughly estranged. They had dragged the thing on forever though. And Zach had been utterly determined not to do the relationship thing anymore after that. Accordingly, he hadn't been on any real dates ever since but had been a frequent flyer with bathroom encounters in various hipster I don't care if you're gay or straight as long as you wear the right kind of jeans bars up north. He had vowed to himself to only pursue his own fun from now on. And damn it he wouldn't stick this vow.

And this, this was surely fun, because nothing more could happen anyways. After all, it wasn't a real date. It was just kind of hanging out with a friend while being completely overdressed.

Zach showed up back at the coffee place right on time. He didn't dare to go inside though, J.J: might be interested in what his date looked like.

And while he was outside, he just saw Chris come around the corner. He looked stunning. But in a far more casual way than Zach himself. Jeans, T-Shirt, hair fine and fluffy. And that damned smile. 

Zach did his best to tone down the sound of his beating heart. This was just two friends having dinner. Nothing more. Maybe not even that. Were they even friends? Oh gosh, his hands were starting to sweat. This was no good. No good. He should just go far away and-

“Hi Zach, good to see you again. You look good! Any hot dates later today?”

And if this wasn't getting off to a good start, Zach didn't know what was. 

After a heated debate on where they should go eat, in which Zach pointed out that he had already eaten loads of Gumbo that day, thank you very much, they decided to go to a small place that offered very good French food. 

“Do you want some wine?” Chris asked and Zach was grateful. Some wine would probably do very well to calm his nerves. Damn this, Chris had basically shouted out at him that this wasn't a date. Not by a long shot. 

And yet, this restaurant would have to be one of the most romantic places that Zach had ever gotten any food in . It was really more a café than an actual restaurant. A tiny place that had French doors opening to one of those beautiful secretive New Orleans courtyards. Cleverly placed mirrors made the whole thing look bigger than it actually was there was no art on the walls, unusual for a place like this, but they compensated with candles on the tables and soft music (jazz of course). Zach decided to approach the questions on his mind without really approaching them. A tactic that usually worked fairly well for him. “So, is this where you normally invite your lady friends to?” Zach was pretty sure his voice sounded lighthearted and vaguely amused much as he had intended. 

Chris answered by asking the passing waiter for some red wine. He pronounces “Bordeaux” like “Bordot”, which Zach finds entirely charming. Then Zach has Chris' complete attention. 

“Well, no. Unbelievable as it might sound, I actually don't date much in N'Orleans. I broke up with my high school sweetheart back in California. And then I had my wild phase and was just partying and sleeping around a lot. But I am not into that anymore.” Zach was almost disappointed. The idea of a drunk Chris out for sexual pleasures was quite an appealing one.

“So what are you into now?” Zach asks instead, noting the hint of suggestiveness in his own tone. 

“Well, Music of course.” Chris states, just as the waiter comes to bring their wine. Chris thanks him and, surprisingly, takes the bottle from the young man's hand and pours the wine for Zach and himself.

“I always wanted to be a musician but I really thought I should do something sensible with my life instead and decided to go to college. What a waste! Sure, I played in a band in college. But that was nothing, the other guys mostly played to impress some girls. The I guys play with here are different. They are so intense about their music, it's great!” And while Zach had been fascinated listening to Chris' rant, they have both forgotten to order their dinner, which leaves the waiter exasperated. After a quick look through the menu, Zach decides to go with Chris' suggestion and orders filet mignon.

That evening, it just feels like nothing Chris does can ever be wrong.  
“So you're really living of your music now?”  
“Yes, I am. And damned proud of it!”  
“You should be, this is just brilliant!”  
“Here's to my brilliance.”  
“And here's to us.”

When the delicious food is finished and the bottle is empty, Zach feels lightheaded with Bordeaux and Chris. Damn, if possible, the guy just keeps getting hotter. Zach knows he should end this now and go back to his place. But before he can even finish that thought, he hears his own voice say “Why don't we both pay for dinner and we go to the river again?” “You won't let me buy you dinner? “ Chris asks, smiling. “Alright, it's a deal. But only if I may at least buy us another bottle of red to drink out there from a paper bag like good bohemians should.”  
To that, Zach does not object.

 

In the end, they got the wine from the supermarket and headed for Jackson Square. It was a warm night and lots of people out and about. As always, the square was full with gypsies and those who wanted to become gypsies in their next life. Zach was about to pass all the weirdos, when he felt someone tug at his sleeve. “Hey, what did they predict for your future out here?” Zach looked at Chris in the light of the street lamps. Was he serious? “Well, I never did get a reading out here. It's a tourist trap, nothing more.” But just as he said it, another voice cut into their conversation, with a Cajun accent that was almost ridiculously stereotypical. 

“But au contraire, mes amis! Dis is not a tourist trap. Is tradition, non?” Zach looked up and saw a man sitting behind one of the tables with Tarot cards. He wore a bowler hat that left the upper half of his face in shadows. He seemed to be rather young though and his long hair was shining a reddish glow in the light of the street lamps. Zach felt a shiver run down his spine. He just didn't know why.  
“Come on, Zach. You heard the man, it's tradition!” Well, Zach would dare anyone to refuse Chris in that moment. He looked – though it might be a cliché – like an eager puppy.  
“Alright. Alright. I'll do it!”  
The man with the bowler hat smiled. Chris directed Zach to sit on the chair. And if nothing else, it was nice to feel Chris touch his shoulders that way.  
“Relax, mon ami. We make dis real quick, alright? Just pick three cards and I read dem for you in no time. You have better things to do than listen to old Remy tonight for sure.” Was that a smirk on the man's face? And hell, did everyone in this city and their uncle know about the things he felt like doing to Chris Pine?

Zach sat down in front of the guy who took three cards from the deck and placed them in front of Zach on the table. Chris was leaning in over Zach's shoulder and looked intently at the deck of cards  
.  
Zach himself had problems focusing on what was going on, with Chris so close he could feel the warmth of the other body all over him. 

Remy uncovered the three cards one by one with that annoying smirk still on his lips.  
“Ah, we have a classic setting here, Death, The Fool and The Lovers. “  
Chris looked even closer at the cards and it made Zach completely unable to concentrate. There was silence. “Well, don't you want to know what it means, cher?” Zach turned back his attention to the guy in front of him. “Yeah. Sure. Tell me.” “Ah, Dat is de spirit! Alors, Death is in your past, means there has been a significant change in your life. De Fool is your presence. You are currently enjoying yourself and not thinking about any consequences or de future. And last: De Lovers is your future. There is passion waiting for you, my friend!” 

Zach felt a slight tingle at those words. It did sound awfully accurate. But then he heard Chris chuckle near his ear. “Dude, that is pretty much what the old lady by the church told me. You guys really need to update your program.” The man smiled. “Well, Remy only reads de cards, he can't make them and what you chose to do with the reading is up to you.” Chris withdrew from Zach and held up his hands. Ok, ok. You got me. What do I owe you?” At this, Remy got up and Zach could see that he was rather tall and wore a long dark coat. “5 bucks, my friend.” Chris looked into his jacket and got out the money. When he handed it over, Remy looked up and for a second, Zach thought he saw fiery coals where the man's eyes should have been. But then the moment was gone and all was back to normal. 

“Lets go then, shall we?” 

Laughing, they headed back to the river. “I'm sorry, my friend!” Chris started. “Those five bucks could have been better invested in booze!” Zach just laughed. He couldn't believe how easy this was, laughing and joking with Chris. As if they had known each other since forever.

“Don't worry. I'm glad to know there will be passion in my future. I already feared I would have to stay celibate for the rest of my stay in New Orleans.” Zach regretted what he had said the moment the words left his lips. Because he already knew what would follow. And he wasn't wrong.  
“Well, I'm sure the girls around these parts will be thrilled to learn about your pursuit of passion.“

There it was. If he didn't say it now, it would be awkward some other time. 

“Chris, I'm gay.” There. He had said it. Again. Chris looked at him for a moment. But it was really just the blink of an eye before he responded “alright – so the guys will be thrilled then. Well most of them anyway. In any case there is lots of fun waiting for you. Shall we?” And Chris gestured towards the wall near the river where they had been sitting on the night before. 

Zach let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding. That had been surprisingly easy. 

Usually, after coming out, he was greeted with questions such as “wow, really? I mean, really?” or “wow, has it been difficult coming out to your parents?” or “so you have never slept with a woman?” or of course the all present “oh”. 

But Chris was already on a different topic. “I just love looking at those boats. It's like I don't know. Like everything is possible, you know?” Zach sat down and expertly opened the bottle of red with his pocket knife. He took a sip from the cheap wine and passed it to Chris. 

“Yeah.” He said. “I know. It's like everything is always in a flow and you can't stop even if you want to. That's why it's all possible.” Jesus. That must have been hands-down the biggest load of bullshit that anyone had ever said ever. But Chris just took the bottle and drank silently. It was getting late, Zach knew. And he would have an early shift the next day. But hey, he was still young and this was now. 

“Doesn't the whole independence thing scare you?” He asked, more to break the silence than out of curiosity. Zach had found that he didn't like long silences with Chris after all. Silences in the night were just the times when thoughts (and hands) could wander and that was to be avoided at all cost.  
“Yeah, a little.” Chris replied. “But I mean I'm super lucky. I still have my family to support me. And if I was to give up and call them, scared and all, they'd just buy me a plane ticket out of here and I could go crawling back to my old life. That takes away some of the cool but it means all is safe and sound for me. How about you?”

Zach thought about this for a moment before he replied “the same really. Although I would have to live with more I told you so than humanly possible. “

“That goes without saying.” Chris passed the bottle back over and suddenly, Zach was very aware that the other's lips had been right there on the glass. He remembered that bit in Gone with the Wind when Scarlett shared a glass with Ashley and caused the height of social scandal. Or had it been Rhett? Or had it been another civil war novel altogether? Damn, it was hard to concentrate with the thought of Chris' lips so very prominent on his mind.

He drank some from the bottle and handed it back. This time, their fingers touched for a moment and it felt like he could just as easily have put his finger into an outlet to get the same effect. Wow.  
“Eh, I fear it's getting late”. Zach tried to play over the moment. But it was difficult because Chris was just looking at him. As if Zach was from another planet. Or as if he had just started sporting Vulcan ears. “So. I should better head back home. After all. Tomorrow will be another day.” At this, Chris seemed to be snapping out of his weird state. “Home. Yes. Right. That sounds like a good plan.” 

They walked together silently for a while before Chris seemed to try and pick up their conversation where they had left off. “But really, Zach. If you say things are moving, you must start moving with them. It's alright to wait in a coffee house, but if you're a writer, then write.”  
“I write.” Zach replied, not liking where this is going.  
“Do people read what you write?”  
“Well, no.” God, did they really have to have this conversation right now?  
“I thought as much. But take it from me – you have to confront people with your stuff, see how they react. I do it all the time on stage and even if it kills me, if I didn't do it, I'd be a closet-artist.” Zach thought about all the shit he had neatly filed on his computer. Who should ever read that crap? “Well, we can't all be great artists now, can we?” He had meant it to sound joking but the words just came out bitter. 

And now they really fell into a brooding silence that lasted until they hit Frenchman street. The part of the street where Zach lived was surprisingly well lit. Zach pointed at his house.  
“See over there, the blue door with the stairs leading up to it? That is where I live”.  
Chris nodded. “Alright, well I'm heading in the other direction now. See you.” There was a lurch in Zach's stomach, as if he had eaten something very very wrong. This sounded too much like good bye. Ask him to come by for coffee tomorrow. Ask him for his phone number. Tell him you  
have tickets for the Saints. Anything, anything! 

“Hey...” Zach shouted, almost against his will.

“Yeah?” Chris replied, his eyes unreadable in the light of the street lamp.

“Where these stairs go?”

„They go up!“ Chris replied instantly and smiled. There was a moment here, that seemed like the great river, full of possibilities. 

“Yeah, see you around.” Zach finished lamely. 

Chris waved as he turned and left. And Zach went up the stairs to his place in a daze. Wow, what had just happened? This must have been by far the worst end to a date ever. “Shit!” He cried out, unhappy and frustrated.

Back in his own room, Zach picked the bottle of Southern Comfort up from the shelf and poured himself a glass. He had put the bottle there on his first day in New Orleans. For emergencies. Damn. Well apparently that was already the end of his romantic Southern crush. Maybe he could write about this tomorrow. Or maybe next week. Or maybe – The doorbell rang. 

Zach had never before heard the sound of his New Orleans door bell but it was unmistakably the sound that was right now piercing through his melancholy. He got up and moved to the door buzzer. There was a mixture of annoyance and fear in his stomach at being called upon in the middle of the night. But then, curiosity had always been killing the cat, so why not him as well? 

“Hello?” He asked the receiver by his door. “Hello Zach? It's me, Chris – can you let me in?” “Eh sure. Come on up. Third floor, the door to your right. “

And almost endless minutes later, a very pissed-off Chris came into his flat. “What's up? Zach asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. “That fucking swamp rat stole my keys!”  
“What?” Zach was startled and poured both of them another drink without really thinking about it. “Well, I come to my house and grab for my keys but they're gone. I know where I put them in my pocket, I don't loose my keys, that stupid son-of-a bitch, that card reader must have stolen them when I paid him.”

“Fuck!” Zach exclaimed by ways of responding. “What about your wallet, your phone?” At this, Chris looked sheepish. “All still there, but I know I didn't lose the keys!” Chris finished his glass and handed it back to Zack for him to pour more.  
“Anyway, my roommates are gone until tomorrow and you live close by and I knew you were still awake and I'm sorry - “  
“You can crash here tonight.” Zach said reasonably, although his heart was pounding in his chest. What was happening here?  
“You can have the bed, I sleep on the floor.”  
“Bullshit, I sleep on the floor. Just one more SC and I can sleep anywhere.”

After two more drinks they decided they could well share a bed given the exceptional circumstances. Zach didn't bother undressing or doing anything really besides remembering to set his alarm clock (fro which he had decidedly earned the employee of the month award) and looking for a second blanket. What he finally conjured up was a very sad looking piece of cloth, but it was enough for a southern night such as this one. 

Lying on the bed next to the pretty California boy, Zach mumbled something like “goooood nite nite”, turned over and fell asleep. 

He woke up again when he felt cold. In a moment of disorientation he didn't know what was wrong, until he turned and saw Chris. This must be a dream he thought first. But in a dream, Chris would probably not be snoring softly.

Zach felt more than daring but in one moment of weakness, he gently removed the hair from Chris' face. The blond strands felt very soft between his fingers and for a moment he thought about touching those lips, just to see if they were as soft. But he didn't and instead just fell back to sleep, facing Chris. 

The next time he woke up was because soft lips were touching his. This really must be a dream he thought before giving into the wonderful sensation of Dream-Chris kissing him ever so tentatively. His lips were barely parted and no other part of their bodies was touching and yet, it was the most erotic experience Zach had had in ages. Chris tasted of Southern Comfort and mint and honey and Zach, realizing he had too many sensations for this being a dream, wished this could go on forever – but eventually his body got the better of him and he moaned softly. “Chris.” Just one word, but enough to break the spell. The lips were gone and Chris turned away, muttering a soft “I'm sorry, christ, I'm so sorry, let's just sleep. I'm sorry.” Zach knew he should say something, do something now. But he was stunned. And drunk. And Tired. And tomorrow would be another day. So he just sank back to sleep. 

When his alarm bell rang, he was alone in his bed.

Zach got up and was instantly awake. Chris. Chris was gone. But he had been there. Had been there before. And they had shared that moment, that beautiful, fleeting butterfly moment.  
“Fuck.“ 

He had blown it. Big time. Now there had been Chris’ gay moment and Zach had done everything wrong. He could have rescued their friendship by talking about this, by making sure Chris knew this wasn't a big deal, that one kiss didn't make him a fag and that he wouldn't tell anyone.  
Or he could have said nothing, just deepen the kiss and see where it would go. Their friendship would have been ruined but he would have had the chance to touch that beautiful boy. 

Zach went through his routine, took a shower, drank coffee and sulked. He felt like not going to work- wished, he was a girl and could eat ice-cream and watch Love Actually and just be sad. 

But then again, he had bills to pay and he would not let Closet Chris be the reason he got fired. And as cool as J.J. was, calling in sick after a “date” would definitely cause suspicions. 

Zach head heard somewhere that working was good for soothing ones nerves. That it was distracting and altogether a valid option for taking ones mind of things. Little had he known however that that was only valid for demanding jobs. Sure, as a brain surgeon or a rocket scientist, he might not have thought about Chris only all the time. But as it was, a bored waiter in a slow running café, he thought about Chris, well, always and then some more.

Zach was already close to giving up on this day altogether, when suddenly a guy came in that Zach knew. Slightly older than Zach, dark haired, good looking and kind of in a bad mood from the looks of it. Zach recognized the man as part of Chris' band. And immediately, he listened in more closely when the guy talked to J.J. 

“Hey Karl, what you doing here all alone? Ain't it your time for your concert soon?”  
“You'd think, wouldn't you? But without a base player it's gonna be difficult to perform well.” “No base player?” J.J: responded, sounding real interested. “But what about the pretty blond guy? Doesn't he play the base? “

“Yeah, he does. But he sent me a text saying he feels awful and might not make it tonight. Bastard.”

Zach was listening until suddenly he felt something hot on his skin. “Oh fuck!” He swore, hot coffee still running over his hand. Enough sound to draw the attention of the two men to him. “What now. Zach?” “Nothing, sir, nothing. I just um – tried a new setting and it didn't work.”

Zach was trying to make himself invisible and to get some coffee served to some of his less patient customers. But then he heard the guy's Karl's voice again.

“Oh, look at that. I got another text! He is coming to the show after all!”  
Upon hearing this, Zach only had one question. “So when and where is your concert tonight?” 

It turned out the concert was that night on Frenchman street and pretty close to Zach's place. However, it took him forever to pick out some clothes and to get his hair in precisely the right direction. 

When he set off that night, Zach didn't even know what he was doing there or why. After all, Chris had not contacted him the whole day and in Zach's experience, blooming friendships did not survive gay kisses in the dark. 

 

When he arrived, the club was already packed with people but the stage was still empty. It was one of those smaller places with a bar in the corner, old photographs on the wall and beer on the floor. Zach loved it. He also loved the people, Young, hopeful, smiling. 

The music that came from the loudspeaker system was still your basic Indie-Rock, Unusual for New Orleans, Zach guessed but not impossible.

Zach thought about ordering a beer but went for Bourbon instead. No need to waste any time he thought. Next, he looked at the stage like a hypnotized rabbit. When would they come out, he wondered, they'd have to do a sound check soon, didn't they?

Still wondering about what was going on and if Chris would show up and play his set or stay home sulking, Zach didn't even notice how the waiter from the other night appeared next to him with a smile and a drink of his own. “Hey Honey, I totally knew I would run into you again. Zach took a long look and smiled back. After all, the guy seemed to be really nice and was actually kind of cute.  
“Yeah, you know, New Orleans is really a village. You always meet the same people.”  
“If that is true, then where is that California Dream Boy you have been hanging out with?”  
“No idea”, Zach replied truthfully.  
“Well, I think I like you better for myself anyway- The name is Anton by the way”.  
“Mine's Zach”, Zach said, still halfway looking at the stage. There was some movement when suddenly the music was turned down and a single person appeared on stage. A girl with short, red hair, nose piercing and a dragon tattoo on her shoulder. Zach thought he knew the type and sighed. Still, he was rather surprised when she took the microphone into her hand and started reciting poetry of all things.

“Exhausting, isn't it? They call it 'people to the arts' let young poets and people who fancy themselves any sort of artist blurt out any crap they can muster in the minutes before the band plays. It sort of enhances the tension or something.” Zach nodded but he was only half listening, because while the girl was still reciting what could only be described as “angry femme lyrics”, the band was slowly coming on stage. Zoe, Karl, that other guy and some girl that Zach didn't know. She was carrying a base though, which couldn't mean anything good. 

True enough, when the red-haired girl left the stage under polite applause, Zoe came in front to the microphone, instantly silencing everybody, apparently just by being beautiful. “Sorry folks, Chris called in sick tonight, but Danielle will fill in and we have all the more girl power up here now!” Most people just applauded lamely at this announcement, after all, they hardly knew the band, let alone Chris and couldn't care less from the looks of it. 

But Zach cared. And his disappointment must have been clear to anyone who cared to look.  
“I'm going to take a piss”. Anton announced with a look in his eye and a touch of Zach's shoulder that in turn was obvious for anyone knew about these things. This was an open invitation. Zach stayed behind for another moment and ordered a coke to clear his head.  
Zoe started her song and he thought he saw her wink at him. But then again, maybe she hadn't winked at all. It didn't matter. This was not his world. His world, it seemed, was waiting for him in the bathroom stall. 

It had been a while since Zach had last done this kind of thing but man – tonight seemed like a perfect night and to hell with Chris Pine. When he got into the men's room, Anton was waiting for him at the door. “I almost thought you wouldn't come.”  
“I always come when I'm asked nicely.” and with these words, Zach grabbed Anton by the shoulders and kissed him hard on the lips. This was what had been missing those past few days – the feeling of control. With his body, Zach directed both men towards one of the bathroom stalls, still kissing Anton and digging his tongue deeply into the others mouth. 

As soon as they were inside, Zach let his hands wander over the bulge that had started growing in Anton's pants. The feeling was good and Zach reached down to grab the hot flesh inside- “Oh shit man, you're killing me here!” And indeed, Zach was proud to see he still got it as under his expert strokes, the pretty young men in front of him came more and more undone. When he felt hot stickiness on his skin, he was himself in a state of such arousal that he needed release soon. 

Lucky for him, Anton had recovered quickly and was already on his knees, kissing Zach's cock through the fabric of his jeans. Seeing the flushed face with those big blue eyes looking at him from down there did much to push Zach even further until he slowly and deliberately opened his pants and his stiff cock was almost rubbing against Anton's face. When he felt a quick and talented tongue move over his aching flesh, Zach let out a sigh that felt like he had been holding it forever.

Suddenly – and Zach was really unable to say how he could have forgotten to lock the door, the handle moved and the door cracked open. “We’re busy here!” Anton called out cheerfully. 

“Look, whoever this is, I have to be on stage in 3 minutes, I really can’t wait any longer – “  
“Fuck”, Zach called out. He knew that voice. And true enough, the next instant the door opened further and Chris came in.

To say that the situation was compromising would have been an utter understatement. 

While Anton burst out laughing and Zach tried desperately to cover himself up, Chris just stared at them. “What the hell are you doing!” he shouted. And, losing his patience, Zach instantly replied: “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m getting a blow job in a public toilet. In case you haven’t realized it yet, I happen to be gay as a picnic basket!” Zach knew of course that he should not have said that. But his anger and frustration with this beautiful boy just took over and he did not know what else to do or say. 

Chris left in an instant and Zach stood there, looking at Anton for an ever stretching moment. But however hot the young men looked with tousled hair and swollen lips, Zach could not bring himself to resume their previous activity. “I’m sorry, Anton, but I really think I’m not in the mood anymore.” 

Zach ran back through to the bar just in time to hear Zoe announce that Chris had decided to show up after all. While Chris took up the base and Danielle picked up a second guitar, Zach took a moment to try and meet the others' gaze. But it seemed like Chris was deliberately looking the other way. It was annoying without end. Only when Zach finally left did their eyes meet and Zach could have sworn he saw Chris shake his head slightly. Well, fuck him

 

On the way back home, Zach stopped for another Bourbon. It was pathetic for sure but it was also all he could do not to scream in frustration. 

What the hell? Had Chris thought Zach was an asexual instead of a homosexual? Did he now think Zach was disgusting? A fag? No moral? Zach really had no idea what to make of this. 

He remembered back in college when he had been caught in a similar situation by a friend of his and all of them had just laughed and forgotten about the whole thing. 

Zach had to admit – the utter rejection hurt. And it wasn’t just that of course he had secretly hoped Chris and himself might indulge in some more secret kissing and what not before long, it was first and foremost that he had thought they really could be friends. But Chris’ look at him, that shaking of his head – to Zach that was a rejection of all that he was and he couldn’t bear it. 

Killing the pain with another shot, Zach had to admit to himself that somehow he had thought being an east-coast hipster and all would make him untouchable with respect to intolerance and closed-mindedness. He had thought he could be better than that and just laugh about people who couldn’t celebrate each others life choices. But now, in that moment, Zach just felt like a complete freak who nobody liked. He also felt a little like a slut for agreeing to have Anton do this to him on the men’s room of a straight bar when he didn’t really know the other guy. But he didn’t want to think like this. He didn’t want to feel the outsider and feel shame for who he was.

Zach had met a guy once during an incredibly boring internship in advertising in Pittsburgh who had said something about being gay that Zach had vowed to always remember.  
Straight people will always try and impose their morals upon you and make you feel like you’re worthless if you don’t comply with their boring rules of what is good and right. But that is bull – as long as you’re not hurting anyone, your life and your choices are yours alone. Don’t let them take away who you are. The guy was an arrogant prick and did think of himself as God’s present to men, but he did have a point. 

Looking around the tired, shabby looking excuse for a bar that he had found himself in, Zach realized suddenly that the joint was full with middle aged straight couples kissing and holding hands. That felt weird. 

If only he had a real friend somewhere near. If this was one of those twenty-somethings living in the big city kind of TV show that he secretly loved, Zach would already be surrounded by all his friends, who inexplicably would not have to go to work the next day and whose lives were really just supportive story lines to his quest for true love. He shuddered and reached for his smart phone. Surely someone would be online to at least chat a bit with him? 

“I don’t think your friends in Boston would appreciate you whining to them about your misery in New Orleans on a Saturday night.” A deep voice with an unmistakably British accent said. 

Zach looked up and looked into a handsome face, with blue eyes and surrounded by dark curls. The guy was probably in his late twenties and Zach was positive he had never seen him before.

“I am sorry – do I know you?”

“No, not yet. But there is a patch from a Boston University on your jacket and the rest is pretty evident in you drinking alone. You can call me Ben”. And the other guy smiled in a rather charming fashion. Zach knew he was very much up for a new acquaintance if he wanted to. He wasn't sure though if he was up for it after the last debacle. 

“Ok, Ben, whatever. Don't you have anywhere else to go?”

Ben smiled again .It was an oddly knowing but not unfriendly smile-. “Actually, I don't. Only a few days ago I was back in London, where it's cold and rainy. And now that I am here, the weather has definitely improved but I also do not have any people I know or any place to be. And given your sitting here all by yourself and looking into your phone like it was a safety net and you were drowning I take it that you have no where to go and no one to meet either, 

Zach looked at that very strange guy and suddenly felt himself smiling despite it all. 

“Ok, you got me. Just sit down. What do you wanna drink?”

Turned out, Ben was a mint julep kinda guy and for a grown man, he took quite the delight in the sweet cocktail.  
“So what are you doing here in New Orleans?”  
“Sort of a sabbatical. I am sort of a failed actor and have to see where my career is going.”  
“Wow, toughy. And why New Orleans?”  
“I hear it's a city that is perfect for failed artists of all kinds and plus – it's far away from my family; which is really all I need right now. Some distance.”  
“I drink to the distance. So what kinda acting did you do`?”  
At this, Ben looked positively uncomfortable and Zach was about to withdraw the question when at last the other answered  
“I basically sold out for the money. I was doing great playing theater when I took a TV job in order to better pay my rent and now I cannot get out of playing this one character over and over again and even though I love that show, I feel like I can never evolve as an actor if I don't step on the brake now and look for new inspiration.”

“Get away from the beaten but so very uncomfortable path and try something new even if it costs you everything?”  
“Exactly.” There was a new smile and some new drinks to celebrate their new friendship. 

When they staggered home arm in arm and scheduled a meeting for brunch the next day, Zach couldn't help thinking that man – friendships were so much easier if you didn't fall in love with the other person.

Wait – what was that thought? Didn't matter. Zach had already forgotten all about it.

Back alone at his place, Zach drained a bottle of water, looked for something to eat and happily found a microwave pizza and put on his jammies. 

He was just getting comfortable in front of his computer looking at some old Star Trek episodes, when suddenly that still very unfamiliar sound of his doorbell surprised him in the middle of a Romulan attack. 

Now it was really difficult for Zach to decide what to do. On the one hand, the Enterprise was under attack and he was pissed out of his skull. But then again, maybe it was important. What if his neighbor had locked himself out? 

Slowly, very slowly he moved to the door and asked “”Hello? Who's there?”  
“It's Chris”

Behind him, the shields of the Enterprise were just giving in under the Romulan photon blasts. 

“Come up.” He answered and buzzed the door without thinking about it. The next second, Zach was running through his bedroom, switched off the TV show and put on jeans and a shirt instead of his fluff jammies. 

He was just back at the door in time to let Chris into the room. Chris was still in his band clothes, tight jeans and a ragged shirt. He really did look super hot even if he was obviously flushed from beer and the stairs. 

“What do you think you were doing back there? And why the hell did you leave the place like this?!”

Zach was more than surprised at being shouted at like this. He was so surprised, he couldn't even talk. 

“Seriously, Zach – I mean, of course I know you're gay but damn it, there is such a thing as common decency and I I mean I came to this concert although I felt like shit and I thought maybe I'd see you but I did not think I'd see you like this!” 

Only now did Zach find his voice back and before his brain could do anything to interfere, he heard himself yelling: “Are you listening to yourself? You self centered bastard! You snogged me last night, then ran off and didn't contact me all day until I felt really good about myself and then when you see me having a little well earned fun you play all irrational and crazy. I have got to ask – what is wrong with you?!?” 

It was as if they had both broken through a surface into icy water. The two of them looked at each other. And behind those very blue eyes. Zach could see all the confusion, the self doubt and tension that he had known for far too long. 

 

“I don't know what is wrong with me.” Chris whispers now. “I just don't know.” And those simple words suddenly make all the bad feelings go away and instead Zach feels something tug at his heart that has not been there in a long time. 

Zach steps closer. “There is nothing wrong with you. In fact, you might just be the most perfect man I know” And when Chris looks at him with a glimpse of heart-breaking insecurity underneath the cool facade, Zach knows that his words are actually true. 

When he is close enough to smell the faint aftershave on Chris' skin, Zach cannot resist the temptation any more. Without touching any other part of his body, Zach brings his face down to kiss Chris right on the lips. 

Zach had only been bungee jumping once on a holiday as a kid. But that kiss is pretty much like the sensation back then. First it is a moment of flying in the air, then it is like his breath is knocked from his body and finally, when Chris breaks the kiss, Zach feels like coming down in a crush, breathless and a little scared of what has just happened. 

Chris looks at Zach with eyes that are incredibly blue and at that moment Zach has the fleeting thought that if he was a better man, he would just let the other go. Laugh it off, tell Chris he wasn't gay and carry on as before. But that really isn't an option, because really, all that Zach wants is to get under this boy's skin and his predator instincts – not yet dead after watching to much wholesome family TV, tells him to go for it now or never.

Zach chooses the now and steps closer to Chris once again and grabs the others hair. Chris moans against his mouth, their lips coming together once again though Zach isn't sure, who has initiated the kiss this time. But Chris is moaning against him and if that is for surprise or pleasure doesn't really matter in that moment.

For Zach, this is all he has wanted ever since laying eyes on the boy and he'd be damned before stopping now. 

Distracting Chris by sucking at his tongue until the other moans again, Zach lets his hand wander under that torn T-Shirt. Chris' skin is smooth and the feeling of hard muscles lets Zach forget all pretense. He removes his lips to kiss the others throat instead. Hot skin and an excited pulse make his hand grow bolder and Zach reaches down for their inevitable destination. All of him yearns to reach for Chris now – but underneath the lust and the Bourbon there is still a small part left that knows how big a step this would be for Chris. So he looks intently into blue eyes, before Chris nods, once, sharply and Zach reaches down his hand into tight jeans that aren't his. 

Luckily he does have some self control left, otherwise he would come in his boxers right then and there. Damn, Chris Pine is by far the hottest guy Zach has ever been with and feeling how this beautiful man has grown hard for him makes Zach shiver all over. He decides there is only one way to show Chris what this means to him. Slowly, he drops down on his knees, much like Anton had done not so long before and when he hears Chris curse silently under his heavy breathing, Zach knows he is on the right way. 

He frees the others long, hard cock and kisses it once with something like reverence before taking the hot flesh into his mouth altogether. 

He knows he is good at this but the noises that Chris makes almost make him abandon his task and just do the man right there on the floor.

“Oh Christ, Zach, that feels so good – fuck, Zach, this ache has been physical!” Zach doesn't know what this is supposed to mean but he doesn't have time to ask. There are hands pulling at his hair now and damn it if this doesn't make his pants too tight for comfort. Zach starts to suck and lick in earnest now – in slow, deliberate movements he takes Chris' cock into his mouth and releases it again. When he feels Chris tremble, he grabs his hips to steady him just in time before Chris seems to be unable to control himself anymore. Where before he has been mostly passive, awaiting Zach's movements, now instinct takes over and Chris starts mouth fucking Zach in a non to gentle manner that feels incredibly good at the same time. 

Chris comes with a long drawn cry and Zach swallows the hot, bitter fluid although he knows better. He steadies the other and knows better than to expect release for himself anytime soon. He goes to the kitchen and brings back two more shots of whiskey. So yeah, maybe he has been drinking way too much that night but damn if that isn't what both of them need right now. 

 

“Wow. Thanks” Chris said. And chucked down his drink so that Zach didn't know what the 'thanks' was referring to. Maybe it didn't matter. He welcomed the new burning in his throat. Feeling like it somehow eased the bruises on the inside. Damn he would not have his normal voice tomorrow.

“So”, Zach said after a while, when Chris had finished his drink and zipped his pants up again.- It seemed as good a start as any. 

Zach didn't know what he had been hoping for. A hug? Words of affection? Instead he got nothing. Chris, who had been so very alive and passionate just a few moments ago was now pale and shaky on his legs. 

“Chris?” Zach asked, willing his voice to sound reassuring and confident. “Don't freak out on me now, ok.?” 

“It's just” Chris' voice was not at all steady. “What has happened here?”

“Well,” Zach tried to think, but it was hard with the drink and his still painfully erect penis. What the hell did the man want from him? Zach decided to go for a light tone from here. “Well, we just had some fun among friends. It doesn't have to mean anything.” 

“Oh, ok. Yeah. Yeah, I guess.”Something was going wrong here but Zach just didn't know what was happening. After all, they were both adults or at least they were both above a legal drinking age. 

“I will, um, I guess I had better head home.” Again, Zach thought about asking Chris to stay, but he didn't know how. 

“Yeah, ok.” and in an after thought he added “will I see you again?” Why the hell did he have to sound like a clingy girl? That wasn't what he was. He just wanted some fun – despite of some drunken crazy thoughts he might have had earlier. 

“Um, you know. I mean, I will keep hanging out in the usual joints. We have another concert coming up some time this week and – well”

“It's ok.” Zach felt like snapping again. “It's not like I'm asking you to go on a mini-break together, I am pretty happy with my life as it is and don't worry, I wont tell anyone of your little experiments. And now if you don't mind – I will need to jerk myself off and then go to sleep.”

Bitterness. How could he be so bitter when by all standards he should be happy with this latest romantic conquest?

Chris left without another word and without looking back.

When Chris was gone, Zach noticed so was his hard-on. So he just went to bed straight away. 

When the room wouldn't stop spinning and his mind wouldn't shut up – he went to throw up and then back to sleep. 

 

When Zach woke up the next morning, he was hurting all over. He was disoriented and had no idea what was going on until he consciously heard the tone of his phone. He must have set an alarm for is brunch date with Ben He felt so much like shit that he considered canceling. But the thought of losing the one friend he had in this city whom he did not have an awkward sexual encounter with made him muster all the strength he had and crawl to his French Press. 

He barely made it to get some water heated and had to drink two large cups before he could finally head down over the corridor to take a long shower.

What the fuck had happened last night? And how the hell was he supposed to go on on from there? When Zach was dressed and ready to go out, the bright daylight hurt his eyes so much he had to go back and get his sun glasses. Wow this was going to be a horrible day. 

Thank goodness for his phone – alone by himself, he would not only have forgotten that he was supposed to meet someone at all, he would have had no clue, when and where to meet, either. But as it was, the phone showed him the way to the place and he was only 5 minutes late, which should be fine even for British standards, Zach mused. 

And true enough, when Zach came into the restaurant, that looked a little like a diner but was boasting a big lunch buffet, Ben was sitting on one of the tables and studying the menu intently.  
“Zach! You're just in time. I was just contemplating what to drink”.  
“Coffee.” Zach said and he didn't say anything else until the waitress brought over that hot, black life saver. Ben ordered tea and smiled.  
“Had a rough night mate?”  
“You could say that.” Zach replied. And damn, was it just him or did his voice sound altogether scratchy and broken?  
“Well, let's get some good American bacon and eggs into you and then I want to hear the story. “

Zach thought, this was an exquisite idea, even though he didn't believe for a second that Ben wanted to hear the ballad of bullshit, in which Zach was currently the main character.

They had only just gotten to know each other. And as Zach had to find out the hard way, people were usually only interested in themselves and their own stories. 

He was rather startled therefore, when, after a few bites in silence, Ben took another sip from his tea (not without a slight wince, Zach remarked) and asked again  
“So what happened to you last night? Is this just the leftover from our little night cap? I can hardly believe that. And given the state of your lips and of your voice I have the feeling that something else entirely has been taking place last night. Something, that is in itself quite the wonderful thing, but for you it didn't work out as you had hoped. Otherwise, given all empirical evidence of my adult life, there would be more smiling and checking your phone and less moping and watching alternately at you watch and on the menu in order to determine if it's still too early to order beer.”

To this, Zach knew only one reply: “And is it?” Ben smiled again. It was a quirky but nice kind of smile that Zach was beginning to like. 

“I'm still a little bit on London time – for me it's very much beer o'clock”. 

That had settled it then and true enough, with the coffee, the food and a little hair of the dog, Zach felt ready to dive into that whole mess again, 

“So you really wanna know?” 

“I don't have anyone else here for gossip, mate, you're my stories right now.” There was something in that phrase that Zach really liked and he decided to keep it for later. Then he sighed, swallowed some more beer and and began to tell the whole story. 

When Zach had finished his account, his beer was gone and his throat was hurting again. 

Ben was holding his hands together and resting his chin on them. He was very quiet. 

“Ok,” Zach said by way of breaking the silence. “I realize I have just dished out a lot and I probably should have just stopped at the stupid coming-out, but could you please please say something now`? I mean, you're an actor, I can't be the first gay person you meet.”

“You're the 37th.” Ben said and finished his beer in turn. “And my apologies, I didn't mean to throw you off with my silence, I was just contemplating your situation.”

“And?”

“You do know where you went wrong, don't you?”

Zach was as baffled as he was intrigued. And all he could reply was the very serious answer, 

“no. I have absolutely no clue whatsoever.” 

“Oh come on, you just told the story yourself, you must know!”

“I really don't”. Ben looked at him for a very long moment, as if he wanted to find out if Zach was lying. When he still didn't answer, Ben continued- “I am very sorry, but if you didn't get where you went wrong, I fear I will have to be a bit harsh with you now. Don't be alarmed though, I still think you're charming and an absolutely delightful person, but -” and here,Ben furrowed his brow and his voice became somewhat deeper.”My dear Quinto, I am sorry, but it seems to me that you have moved through your story with thoughts only about yourself and never about this poor Chris fellow.”

“I can quite assure you that I have been thinking about Chris a lot!” Zach replied in defiance. But Ben, drinking more tea, just replied coolly: “ you have been thinking about him, yes. But you never put yourself in his situation, did you now?”

Zach just looked at the other for the longest time, before he could admit to himself that no, he had not put himself in Chris' position at all. But why would that be necessary anyways?

“He is gorgeous and can have anyone he wants.”

“Well, you're not bad looking either, you know? My point is – what if all this time, Chris wanted you to give him your phone number and he wanted you to ask him out?” Zach remembered all those instances, in which he had almost spoken but had never actually done it. But nw, that couldn't be it.  
“Come on, we aren't teenagers anymore. Of course he could have just asked me, right?”

“Well that's just my point!” - and Ben was wearing that infuriating smile again. “Of course either of you could have. But neither of you did. And why do you think that is?” 

The whole thing sounded too much like an oral exam to Zach, with the teacher trying to slow walk him to an epiphany. He had half a mind to just rush off and let Ben sit there by himself, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. After all, here was finally someone interested in his issues. And maybe it was part of the problem that over the past three days, he had only discussed these issues with himself but with no other person, a fact,which might just have affected his judgement.

“I don't know. Please, sir, can't you just tell me? Zach asked and earned his very first laughter from Ben. 

“Ok, I'll tell you. I think that both of you realized you wanted more from the other than you thought the other was prepared to give in return. And because you did not talk about it, stuff started happening anyways without either one of you gents having any kind of control. And now you're kind of in a pickle if you can quite follow.”

Just to make sure he could stay on top of all this, Zach ordered more coffee and water. But despite his best effort, he had to admit:

“No. Sorry, can't follow.”

“Oh come on now. You are clearly obsessed with that man but all you tell him is that you're only looking for some fun. What makes you so sure he doesn't think the same about you?” 

For a second there, Zach entertained the possibility but then it came together as being an impossibility.

“For you information, firstly, I am not obsessed with Chris and secondly, he is straight, so I'm sorry, Sherlock but you're very much off the mark.” At this, Ben gave another of his weird little smiles. 

“Oh yeah? Well, it's funny you should say that. Cause being straight myself, I somehow do not want to go about kissing you or have you suck my dick. So are you sure he's all that straight?”

For a moment, Zach just stared. Then, he just burst out laughing, almost spitting in his mug.

“You know I have only known for you for a day but I feel like I'm starting to get you know. So what're you saying? That Chris is dreaming of me at night, hoping for weekends at lovely B&Bs?” 

“Not quite so. But I do believe that if you had just given him the merest impression that this thing between you was not just you seducing him for pleasure and than dropping him like a hot potato, you might be having brunch with him instead of me.”

These news were so surprising for Zach that he was very much unable to concentrate on the plate before him. 

“You really mean it? I mean I don't even know what I think about him, I never really thought about him that way and now it's all such a mess. “

“I hate to break it to you, kid but what you do now is very much up to you. You can ignore all that has happened of course or you decide to just go for it and see what happens.“

Zach had never thought of himself as a see what happens kind of guy. But then he had never seen himself as a coffee waiter either. So maybe there was something to it to just go and try. But how the fuck should he do it?

As it turned out, that was the one thing that Ben either couldn't or wouldn't help him with.

 

When they parted ways. Zach didn't hesitate for am instance to ask for Ben's number- It was only at night in his bed that he realized how odd it was that he had never taken that very little step with Chris.-

As the new week came, Zach saw Ben almost on a daily basis. It was nice and comfortable and Zach did try to care about Ben and his problems as well – he encouraged him to go into the movie industry for instance; he had heard they were planning on new Star Trek movies. But the more days passed, the more difficult it became not to talk about Chris. He never saw the other man again. Not in J.J.'s café, not in the Café du Monde, not in the streets. 

And it irked him more than he would have thought. Like having to quit smoking after the first time that a cigarette had actually tasted good. Damn the man and damn Ben for having brought attention to the fact that Zach's feelings towards Chris might be more complex than he had previously thought.

If only there was some way to get in touch with Chris and let him know at least a little bit of what was going on there.

It was already Thurday, when finally, finally Zoe came to J.J.'s and ordered coffee to go.

Zach could have kissed her in that moment although overall she rather gave the appearance of a terribly busy lady. She hardly acknowledged knowing him and pretty much seemed to be wanting to get out of there as soon as possible. But thinking of Ben's words, this time Zach would just do it.

“Zoe! Wait, I have to ask you something “

“I don't know where he is-” she snapped in answer, dark eyes flashing at him. And for a moment, Zach had to wonder what she knew about all of this and what exactly she might be feeling about it.- But this wasn't the time.

“Just let me know the time and date of your next concert.“ And, in an afterthought, “Please. “

When she told him the time and place, an idea started to form in his head.  
When he came back home that evening, he switched on his Mac book and didn't shut it down until 5 in the morning.

When Saturday and thus the day of the concert arrived, Zach was desperate enough to drink mint juleps with Ben before agreeing to go to the actual event. He felt nervous like he had been last before the big school play of 2001. But as ever so often, drinks were helping or maybe it was Ben at his side, literally holding him upright. 

When they got into the bar – the same bar as last time,Zach felt at the same time like throwing up and elated to the point of flying, which might just be the crazy effect of adrenalin after all.

Time for another coke and the first yearning for a cigarette in two years – and then, faster than he would have thought, Zach found himself standing on the stage.

It was dark except for the point where the light hit his eye.

He hadn't seen Chris. But he had seen Zoe and Karl. And damn it, he must be here somewhere.

 

They have not switched-off the music he notices. But they have turned it down. He can't see if anyone is watching him. It doesn't matter. He knows at least one person will listen to him although it is another person that must listen to him.

The moment stretches, it rarely happens that one moment defines you like this, but this is one does.  
It's swim or sink. 

It's stay on the bridge or make a jump.

And in some ways it's all or nothing. 

Here goes.

“Hi, I'm Zach and I am not going to read poetry to you tonight but I would like to tell you a little story. It' a story of how I fell in love in New Orleans and didn't have the brains to realize it and not the guts to act on it. There is one person here – the most perfect person I know. And damn it, he is my story at this point and he had me at hello- “

There he is, in the open air, still unsure if the rope will hold him. - and damn if this ache isn't physical.

 

FIN


End file.
